Saturday, June 11, 2011

This is your final Ramadan!

“Do we have a second chance?
Picture by D.Jelen of flickr.com

“Ameen! Sahur time! Come down, let’s eat” says mama to me. Cold it was at that time approximately 1 hour and a half before Subuh. There I sat in my Sajadah, reciting some Dzkir, just finished two rakaah of Tahjud, but looking forward for more.

I wasn’t really hungry but I was thirsty, thirsty for my ‘date’ with Allah. I need to quench that thirst, if not I will regret my life not able to capture that instant. Ramadan comes only once a year and there should not be a moment to be lost.

“Thanks mama, I’ll be down in 40 minutes” I responded half shouting.

“Okay” she replied. My little brother was with her. She has company so I don’t have to worry.

The next prayer I’m about to perform is Solah Taubah. It was dark. I love praying in a dark environment, it gives me the khusu’ in my prayer. It also centers my attention to only Allah and me alone in that darkness. It really symbolizes a ‘date’ of two lovers. This is the darkness that brings me to light. So I stood up back again facing my Lord in that darkness.

So I said my lafzu niyyah before prayer. Then I made my takbir ratul Ihram, at that moment, my whole body feel so cold, as cold like the South Pole. So cold. As if someone is watching me from behind. I tried to ignore that feeling. I kept continuing my prayer.
As I went on, losing myself in prayer, my body reached under zero temperature. So very cold. I really felt like a dark figure is behind me. Like that figure or someone is trying to do something to me. “Why not just strike me now?” my heart says.

Do you know the figure who I felt was standing behind me? It was like Malikul Maut. I really really thought that it was my time to go. I will leave this world. I will leave my mother without me eating Sahur together. Death will not be delayed not even a single split second.

“Why not just strike me now?” What am I thinking? Am I ready to meet Allah? I’m speaking as if I’m ‘fit’ and ‘ready’ to go. No no! I’m still not ready; I don’t even know when I will be ready. Please Allah! Don’t take me now. I don’t want this to be my final Ramadan!

2 comments:

adil said...

May this Ramadhan brings us all blessing and forgiveness from Allah.
May Allah let us all relish ourselves in the delight of Ramadhan. =)

A writer from Langit Ilahi is it?
Keep on writing!

mar_yam said...

good reminder...kena muhasabah diri balik ni...^^

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